Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Sophie and Santa

I know I know, it's been awhile again...sigh, maybe someday I"ll be more consistent with this blogging business:) At least once a week or SOMETHING!

Took Sophie to see Santa today...she did fine, meaning, she didn't freak out, but she didn't smile either. She had absolutely no expression on her face. It was really funny when I got home and compared her this years Santa picture with last years, b/c, besides the obvious fact that Sophie is bigger, that is about the only difference. Her expression was exactly the same as last year. Here are last years and this years Santa Pics.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Sleep....I just need sleep...

Man, I've been through quite the ringer this past week. Since last Wednesday, I have only slept 4 nights....3 nights of massive insomnia where I can't sleep at all. It is so frustrating and is putting me back in that majorly sleep deprived state I lived in for the first few months of Sophie's life.

At around 2am last night, I woke Jeremy up, so frustrated and crying b/c it was the 3rd night in the past 7 that I haven't been able to sleep at all. We talked through a lot about WHAT is making me not sleep...it's not the lack of being tired, trust me, I've been taking dr. prescribed sleeping pills which have done nothing. I know it has to do with anxiety. Probably the major one being work right now, but then all the other little things of life are piled on top of that until I feel like I am losing control.

I wish I could just "let go and let God". I want to SO badly just trust God with everything but it's so hard. I look at all these things around me that are going on, things of which I have no control over, and honestly, it freaks me out.

Sleep, I just need sleep...

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

It's been awhile...

It's taken me awhile to write. I have come on many times, but then just sit here with no words coming. I'm finally making myself write something!!

My last post talked about how excited I was for the school year to start...wow, so much has changed in that month. I started off so excited and am now just feeling so discouraged. Feeling like I"m not making a difference and that I spend 100% of my day dealing with outrageous and irritating behavior problems. I just want to teach, but don't really feel like I am able to b/c of the stuff going on. I feel bad for the majority of my class who are such great kids, b/c they are not getting what they need b/c so many others are taking that away from them. I'm just feeling like I need a change...I don't know what that means exactly, but I can't go on feeling like I do about it.

Now for the joy of my life, little Sophie....wow, what can I say about her? She makes me laugh soooooooooooooooooo much. Seriously, she is the "light" at the end of my day. I pick her up from the baby sitters and she comes running up to me saying "Mummy!" She is such a talker. She loves talking about "shoes" and singing "happy to you" (happy birthday to you). She loves to pray and does it all the time:) What a sweetheart. I was always scared to have kids, scared that it would change my life in a way that I didn't want it to...man, how wrong could I have been? Sophie has filled my life with sooooooooooo much joy. Wow.

Jeremy is writing more music, it's so awesome to see him doing that again. There were a few really "dry" years with that but it's amazing to see the songs come out again. He is so gifted in his music.

And me, I am doing well...take away the stresses of the day and I know I am so blessed. I have to keep reminding myself of that sometimes when life seems tough. God doesn't give you more than you can handle, that's my mantra these days!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Mixed Feelings...

I'm going back to work tomorrow. After a WONDERFUL and restful summer off, getting to spend every day with Sophie, I am feeling a lot of mixed emotions about going back to work. I have loved being here every day with Sophie, not having to worry about "oh no she had a bad night, she's going to be a bear for the baby-sitter", or "we'll be out late tonight, and up so early for when I get her up for work, we maybe shouldn't go out tonight". It has been such a great summer.

On the other hand, after a really rough teaching year last year...I think so many things contributed to that; me teaching in a new grade so new curriculum, doing a job share for the first time, being out on maternity leave for the first month so always feeling a bit like a "sub" after I came back, but ultimately, the kids were just tougher. But my teaching partner and I have talked a lot this summer and we are really excited for this new year approaching. We are trying a bunch of new things, really focusing more on "community building" for the first weeks, and making the classroom feel more "homey", with plants, and lamps around. I feel more confident in the curriculum, and I love working with a teaching partner....

I know I am sooooo blessed to be able to do a job share...so that I can be home with Sophie for 4 or 5 days a week, and yet still get to teach, something that I do love (most days). But I think just the thought that "the summer is over" and having to drop Sophie off at the baby sitters in her jammies at 7am tomorrow is making me a bit teary eyed...

Monday, August 20, 2007

No more car trips for awhile, please

The title says it all. I got back today from our 4th road trip of the summer....Sophie has done AMAZINGLY well and has turned into quite the good traveler (far cry from the early days when the second she would enter the car, she would scream and scream). But momma's tired of the trips.

A road trip used to mean, "How fast can we make it to our destination?" and sometimes Jeremy and I would drive all the way to Montana only stopping once. We'd each have one bag and a pillow, and that's pretty much it!

This last trip, our trunk contained:
1 small bag for me
Pack and play
Bag of diapers and wipes
Big bag of toys
Cooler for Sophie's food
Bag for Sophie's utensils/cups/bottles
Fan (white noise for Sophie)
Sophie's blankets
Sophie's stroller
Winnie the pooh
Sophie's dolls

Trips do not consist of "how fast can we make it?" anymore, but now the rule is "how long can Sophie last without having to stop to get a diaper changed". After 4 road trips this summer, I'm a bit tired of packing and unpacking the car:):) Kind of petty I know, but I'm ready to be home for awhile now:) (and to add to that....sitting in a car for that long is getting a lot less comfortable for me...must be getting old!)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Since when do I have a shy and quiet child??

Sophie has always been this little ball of energy. She still is, at home, at least. She yells, sings, runs, talks, laughs ALL day when we are home. It used to be that when we'd go somewhere new, it would take Sophie 10 minutes max to warm up. She usually would just stand there sucking on her finger, until she'd feel comfortable, and then she'd be her pretty normal self.

Well, the last few days I've really been noticing a difference in her personality when we go places. Yesterday at the park, she just stood there for the longest time, not wanting to go anywhere, just taking it all in I guess. Well, she never "totally warmed up" to being there. She'd walk around slowly, not talking at all. We were there for 1 hour and it wasn't until I buckled her into her carseat that she started talking.

Today at the zoo, same thing. We were there for 4.5 hours with some friends. She didn't talk, didn't smile. When she saw the fish (her favorite animal, I'm learning) she pointed and whispered "fishy fishy". When I took her out of her stroller, she clung to me and whined, wanted to go back in. I am so not used to this! I'm used to a carefree girl who will go anywhere, with anyone. I wonder if this is just a stage or what. It's funny when we get together with people and I've told them how boisterous she is, and she sits there starting at them forever, not talking or making any expressions.

But when it's just the 2 of us, oh yah, she's nonstop:)

Monday, August 13, 2007

Meeting face-to-face

Today I got to meet up with a lady I've come to know these past few years on the message boards I belong to. It's not the first time I've met up with someone who I've met online, but still, always before a meeting, there is a little bit of nervousness...will I feel awkward with this person? You know a lot about them, but meeting face to face is pretty vulnerable. Sometimes I feel I can "hide" behind the computer. But when you actually meet someone "in real life", you are who you are.

It was really cool though, meeting Lisa and little Taryn. There wasn't awkwardness at all! It was like, "hey, I know you already!". I've seen so many pictures of Taryn, and heard about her so it was great to see her in person and see the cute personality. I felt Lisa and I hit it off too, and it was so nice to hang out with someone who has a child the exact same age, and going through the same things I am with Sophie.

This weekend, when I'm up in Canada, I will also be meeting up with 2 other ladies from one of the boards I've belonged to for 2 years. I am so excited:) These people who have been friends to me for awhile, now getting to know another side of them.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Too hot for me

We are here in Montana right now and I am DYING of heat. It is 104 today and we don't have air conditioning in the place we are staying. Night times have been brutal. Sophie is so restless b/c it is so hot (and she was practically sleeping naked last night), and you just constantly feel sticky. Ick.

And there are TONS of fires around right now so when you go outside even if for a few minutes, you are coughing and your throat is burning because of the smoke. Yuck! Man, Katt, I don't know how Justin does it!!

It was in the 70's when we left home on Wednesday, and I was complaining b/c it was "too cold for the summer". I will gladly take that again!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Insomnia sucks

I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. I can't function right now. We drove here to Montana yesterday (which can be a whole blog post in itself----having to stop every hour, Sophie pooping constantly (I think she did it so she could get out of her carseat), so after all that, I thought, I am going to sleep so well. Um, nope.

Went to bed at 11:30...(mountain time, 10:30 our time),...I laid there for awhile. At 12:30, I really started getting annoyed. It was hot, I was uncomfortable. Decided to go walk around for awhile. Yawning, so tired, came back. Yah, still not falling asleep. And by now, I am getting so frustrated that it's hard to settle. 2am, I FINALLY take a tylenol PM, not caring that I'll be a zombie in the morning (side note---we are staying with our in-laws). I start to relax, BUT can't fall asleep. I WAS AWAKE ALL NIGHT!!!! Then I actually did doze at around 6am (I know this b/c I had a short dream), but then Sophie woke up (sleeping in the pack and play in the same room as us). She stands up, sees us, starts laughing and saying "hi".

It is now 4:30pm and I feel like I'm in a haze. Not going to bother to take a nap b/c I have issues with napping too...Oh Lord, PLEASE let me sleep tonight (it's going to be 2 tylenol pm's and earplugs!)

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Mama Bear

Okay, my Mama bear instincts kicked in today full swing...oh my gosh, I was a protective mother bear!!

I took Sophie to "Cafe Sip N Play", a really cool place where the kids play and the moms can relax/read/drink coffee/chat. This was the 1st time I've been there that Sophie could actually play in there, and not be stuck in the crawlers area. She was a little tentative just to go off and play, she's a cautious little thing at first, and she was just taking it all in, all the kids, all the noise. Every once in awhile she looked around for me, and when she saw me, a huge smile came across her face and she waved, then went back to "playing."

Well, while we were there, there was this little girl, about 18 months or so (and I know this because I've seen her in the nursery at church before) who would come up to Sophie and push her out of the way. The first time, the little girl was playing at the "train table" and Sophie was standing there watching. I think the girl thought Sophie was going to take her train, so she pushed her a little bit. Sophie got this scared look on her face, but moved away to something else. This little girl kept following Sophie and would give her a shove. Most of the times, Sophie stayed on her feet. At one point (as I was on my way to go get my Sophie, fuming) this little girl shoved her down in this play area, and stood over her. I just heard a little whimper and saw Sophie's lower lip quivering and little tears coming out. Oh, I picked her up and she just held onto me so tight.

I guess I have never experienced these "mama bear" feelings to this extent. I wanted to march right up to that little girl and give her a good "talking to" (or at least to her mom, who was sitting chatting with a friend, not watching her daughter). This is the first time...I can't imagine how I"ll be when Sophie comes home from school with hurt feelings, or if a pet dies, or something else that causes Sophie to be sad or scared. Man, I don't know if I can handle this!:)

Just one of those days

Ever have one of those days?? I'm not PMSing, but as sure as anything, Sophie is! (I have a new theory that baby girls PMS since they are out of the womb). Sophie is such a happy little thing usually, bubbly, smiley, singing, talking---she really has turned into an "easy" toddler (compared to these first few months)...so fast forward until this morning.

I hear Sophie waking up at 7...which is pretty good for her, but lately she's been sleeping in until 7:30 or 8...and she also went to bed a bit later last night too, so I was hoping for a7:30 or 8 wake up. Well, I went in there to give her a sippy cup of milk (I've been doing a sippy cup of milk in the morning for the past few days...she drinks milk from her sippy during the day, but has a bottle still at night). Usually she just drinks happily. This morning, she started swatting at the sippy and getting all bad. So I yell to Jeremy to get me a bottle and I try to give it to her in that, and she's just mad as anything now and arching...she eventually takes some. So then I try to cuddle with her (what we do EVERY morning) and she starts batting at my face. I take her hands, look in her eyes and say "no, Sophie, be gentle" and that turns into meltdown #2. I give her to Jeremy for awhile, and the next thing I hear is her crying AGAIN b/c he took away my cell phone from her (she has been calling 411 lately and racking up our phone bill).

She was pretty good for awhile this morning, but then started losing it again. She'd flop on the floor, bang her head on the floor once, but a bit too hard, and of course it would hurt and she would be having another tantrum. She'd turn to me and say "up up" with her hands raised up. I'd pick her up and within 2 seconds she's getting antsy so I put her down and then she gets mad.

Yii yii yii....I finally just put her down for a nap...we are back to 2 naps today, b/c there was no way I wanted to deal with Cranky Sophie for another 2 hours!! Hope she wakes up a little happier!

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Bye bum!

Saying goodbye:

Sophie has gone through quite the progression for saying good bye. It started with a wave, than progressed to "buh" and a wave. Next, it was "bye", I was proud of that. Then she started saying "bye dye" and waving. We all laughed, thought it was hilarious. Well, yesterday, when everyone was leaving from the bbq we had, Sophie started waving at everyone saying "bye bum, bye bum"...oh my gosh, we were dying. I have NO idea why it progressed to that. Today at church when we were leaving, "bye bum" was yelled at the top of Sophie's little lungs...yikes, got to work on that one:)

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Disregard the last blog about babies:)

Okay, so after my last blog yesterday in which I mentioned that I was starting to think about babies again...yah, disregard it please:)

Last night I went to a baby shower for a friend. There was another girl there who had a 6 week old baby. Let's just say, that was way more reality for me than seeing the cutesy newborns. This baby cried the whole time and reminded me very clearly of those colicky days with Sophie:)

So, don't think I'm ready for another one. That was my reality check!!

Friday, July 13, 2007

Babies, babies, and more babies!

In the past 2 weeks, it seems like some of the people that I am closest to have had babies! It is bringing me back to Sophie's "beginning" days...the awe and the wonder of this new person you brought into the world. I have loved holding these tiny little ones, or seeing their pictures if they are far away (Roxy), but it is the craziest thing, b/c I"m so nervous to hold them! I forget Sophie ever being that age and I forget how to "handle" them:)

I have been soooo set on "no more kids for awhile"...I've always said at least 3 years in between. I think that stemmed from the early colicky days with Sophie and how TOUGH those days (and months) were. I had friends who had easy easy babies around when I had Sophie, and they are already pregnant again or have had their 2nd since then. I think having a harder or more demanding baby has made me want to wait a bit longer to have another one b/c I don't know if I'm mentally ready to go through that again (if it's to be like that the 2nd time around).

HOWEVER, seeing these babies, talking to my friends about their first few days and moments with their little ones, is stirring something in me. I am SOOOO not ready for a 2nd one (and Jeremy would kill me if I told him I wanted another one now) but it does do something to you to see one so little. But then I have to think of all the logistics of life. There would be no way that I could stay home at this point from work. Financially, we are not there right now. I really really want to be able to stay at home full time when we have more than 1, so that is making me hold off for now.

But seriously, I'm thinking that might be one of the only things...well, besides the fact that I just adore Sophie and don't want to share my time with her yet. Kind of crazy that I"m actually letting my mind go there again!

Friday, July 6, 2007

We are on vacation!

It is soooo nice to be on vacation! This is our first family vacation with Sophie. We both have never been to Bend, Oregon before, and Jeremy found this great resort online, so we just decided to go for it, and it is sooo nice!

We left a bit later than we planned on, but we had a lot of stops to make on the way. Sophie was due for a nap at 4:15, but instead of acting tired, she was acting “hyper” and very silly. I gave her her soother and pink blankie in the car, which she always has when she goes to sleep. But instead of it making her in “sleep mode”, she started playing peek-a-boo with the blankie and shrieking loudly. We arrived at the resort at 5:45, and Sophie’s eyes shut pretty much as we drove into the driveway. So we ended up driving around for a bit, went back into town to get some KFC for dinner as Sophie slept on in the car.


We had a late dinner as we were late getting in, and Sophie was up until 8:45, but she was a happy little camper. She loves exploring our hotel suite, walking around everyone and acting as if she owns the place It is so fun to go on a family vacation with our little girl. No, we can’t just go off and do whatever we want anymore, (nap times to consider) or even stay out late, but you know what? I so don’t care about that stuff…I love being able to make new memories with Sophie.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Sophie, the "Snaucet"

Poor Sophie...she has been through the ringer this past week with being sick. It started on Monday with meltdowns galore, drooling like crazy, and saying "up up" to me constantly with her hands raised to me. Then onto Tuesday and Wednesday---high fevers, up to 103.8 degrees. My poor little girl was just whimpering like crazy. Onto Thursday, we got the "stomach bug" and then this morning Sophie woke up with a snaucet (AKA: Snot-faucet). Her nose is pouring, all day. I didn't even know it was possible to have so much "in there". She is just walking around with stuff pouring out of her nose and coughing up a storm. She looks so miserable!

But even with being so sick, Sophie still is making us laugh so much. Tonight at dinner time, I had to turn her high chair around to face the wall b/c she was getting so distracted by everyone (my family is in town) and wouldn't eat. Well, she had the time of her life looking at the wall and babbling away...oh for about 20-25 minutes, and she ate her food. We were all just dying with laughter.

But oh, I feel like I'm back in the newborn stage...after 10 months of Sophie sleeping through the night, we are back to 2,3,4 wake ups a night. Sleep, Sophie, sleep!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Can I just vent a little please?

Grr, I hate to vent and complain, but I just need to GET THIS OUT...I am TIRED of being told that I "don't understand" by various people in my life. I have people who pour their woes out to me, and the moment I offer a suggestion or a word of encouragement I get, "You can't possibly understand what I'm going through, you've never been through it", or "I shouldn't even bother telling people this if they clearly will not understand."

You know, I don't feel that I should need to apologize for the way my life is...from the way they make it sound, my life is perfect and I've got it all. Yes, I have been so blessed...a wonderful husband, a beautiful little girl, a nice house...but all those things haven't just been handed to me. I've gone through relationship heartache...okay, maybe not as visible as others, but I've had my heart broken. I've been lonely (I still feel that sometimes), I've suffered through depression, I've lost a mom, I've had a miscarriage....I could go on and on, but I don't want to. I just wish that before people judge and say "you can't understand", that they'd realize that everyone has pain. Or at least I do.

I don't know what to tell these people who constantly tell me that "you won't understand, you've got the perfect life". Just delve a little deeper, I have issues and hurts like everyone else. I just don't wear them on my sleeve on a daily basis, so people may not know.

Yes, I have been blessed immensely by God and I thank Him everyday for so many of the blessings in my life. I know life is so fragile and I never want to live with regrets, because I know, too well, that in an instant, someone can be gone. I just wish that instead of just accusing me of not understanding, that they'd ask me for once, "Lori, how are YOU doing?"

Friday, June 22, 2007

Time to put on my runners (that's tennis shoes, for all you Americans!)

Sophie is walking!! Thanks to Katt and her great tip, Sophie started taking her first steps yesterday and by last night was walking all over the place. There's no stopping her now!

However, my blood pressure began to rise, just thinking about how busy and how much energy Sophie has, she is ALWAYS on the go, no slowing her down. Now I just see her walking and I think, it won't be long until she is running, and knowing how she gets into everything, oh boy...a new door of "opportunity" for Sophie! Time to tie up my running shoes and get going chasing after Sophie. There's no stopping her now!

Sophie is walking

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

I'm doing it!

So, you know that I've been struggling with losing my pregnancy weight. I try certain things for a few weeks, then I give up when I don't see results. Well, I'm happy to say for the past 2 weeks now (hmm...interesting, while I didn't have any computer access!) I started exercising. I've never been much of a runner but I've been doing a lot of walking/jogging. It is feeling SO good to get out there and be active. I'm feeling better, I'm eating better, and lo and behold, my clothes are fitting better....just in time for summer:)

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Did ya miss me??

So, I pretty much fell off the face of...computer world for the past 3 weeks. Our old finicky computer finally "kicked the can". Of course this comes at a time when we are trying so hard to tighten our spending, but we HAVE to have a computer. We ended up getting this really nice laptop, came in last night, oh how wonderful it feels to be "connected again". I went through major computer withdrawl and didn't realize how addicted I am to it:)

For a Sophie update:

Sophie is not walking yet, but she is putting all her energy into talking. She says around 15 words now, her newest ones being "amen", "hat", and nuh-nuh (for Banana). She is SUCH a chatterbox. She will to whomever is around, and if no one is, she'll talk to herself for hours on end.

Sophie has been standing on her own for awhile, but is tentative to take her own steps. As long as someone is there holding onto one hand she will walk everywhere.

She looks like such a big girl to me now. So more baby, definitely toddler..so along with that label comes the tantrums and meltdowns...we are seeing the extent of Sophie's strong-will that's for sure! Oh boy, how come no one warned me about the terrible one's???:)

Monday, May 14, 2007

My baby girl is 1

Okay, so I am typically a very sentimental person. I keep track of every birthday/event/memory and never forget it. I'm the kind of person who could be walking in a store, see someone who i went to pre-school with (and never saw them since) and recognize them. To me, every person I meet stays with me. After I had Sophie I was so sad to leave the hospital b/c of the wonderful nurse, Peggy, that we had. So I'm saying all this to just give an intro...I'm a sentimental person.

Yesterday, my baby girl turned 1. I cannot believe it. Although the newborn colicky days seem so far off, I remember holding her in my arms in the hospital just moments after giving birth, like it was just yesterday. Back then, Sophie was a tiny little thing, so alert and observant, not missing much (hmmm...nothing's changed there!) Now, I see this bubbly little thing who waves at everyone, gives them her cheesy smile, and is Miss Explorer.

People always told me to not wish the early days away because before you know, they'll be graduating from college. I think I can understand that now. I don't ever want to go back to the colicky days, but you know what, in the whole scheme of themes, it is such a short moment in time.

Holding Sophie in my arms yesterday as she was sleeping, I just was brought to tears as I looked at her sleeping so peacefully. This precious little jewel who has filled my life with more joy than I ever thought possible, is growing up too fast for me! I am trying to treasure each moment b/c I know how quickly it goes by.

Happy Birthday, baby girl...you'll always be my baby, no matter how big you get.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

My birth story

My baby girl is 1 today, so thought I would re-post my birth story that I wrote a few days after Sophie was born...here it is!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had my last day of work on Friday, didn't feel any symptoms or signs that labor was pending. That night, I went to bed at 10:30 and woke up to change positions at midnight. When I did that, I felt this "gush"....I immediately said,"Jeremy! Something is happening!" I ran to the bathroom and there I continued to "gush", so I knew my water had broken. We called the hospital and they said to come in when contractions were every 3-5 minutes for an hour, or by 6 in the morning if contractions hadn't started yet. So Jeremy and I were busy getting last minute stuff together to go. I laid down for an hour, and by 2am, I was having contractions every 3-5 minutes, they felt more like menstrual cramps, not too bad. We left for the hospital at 3:15am, and by the time we got to the hospital, I was feeling the contractions more. At 4:30am, I started walking the hallways and by this point the contractions were really strong, but walking seemed to help a lot. After about an hour of this, it became too unbearable to walk so we went back to the room and tried to find different positions that worked. I tried the birth ball which I had really wanted to use but I felt worse with that. Finally, I found that sitting on the edge of the bed helped. The contractions kept intensifying in pain level, as well as time, I was having 45 second-1 minute contractions every minute and a half so there wasn't time to recover. At 5:30am, I was only dilated to 2 1/2 cm, but 90% effaced. The contractions kept coming and by 9am, when they checked me again, I was 4 cm, so I decided to get the epidural. As soon as I got the epidural, my contractions totally slowed down and were barely there. After about an hour, they decided to give me pitocin to increase my contractions again as they had pretty much stopped. The pitocin totally worked and according to the monitor, I was having contractions every minute (but b/c of the wonderful epidural, I didn't feel them!). However, they had a hard time getting a consistent reading of the baby's heart rate...it kept fluctuating. At one point, I had 3 or 4 other nurses rush in, b/c the heart beat couldn't be found...they immediately stopped the pitocin, gave me oxygen and switched positions and the heart beat was found again. They checked me at around 1pm and I was 6-7 cm dilated. At 3:30pm, the doctor came in (not my dr, but the on-call dr) and checked me and I was at 10cm so ready to push. It was so hard to feel when to push b/c I really couldn't feel anything still b/c of the contractions. However, during my pushing, the baby's heart rate started becoming very erratic and inconsistent. The dr checked me and said that, yes, the baby's head was down, but it was a bit on an angle so everytime I pushed, it would cause distress to the baby. After sometime, my baby's head was in the proper position, but still, every push caused the heart rate to go crazy, slow down, even stop. Once during a push, the heart beat monitor stopped beating and I immediately stopped pushing. The doctor said that we needed to get the baby out and he was ready with the vaccuum. He ended up doing an episiotomy b/c my baby was just not fitting and we needed to get the baby out. I had a 2nd degree episiotomy, and after that, the baby came out quickly and well. I heard my husband say, "IT"S A GIRL" (we did not find out before). My placenta came out a few minutes later. There were definitely some scary moments, but I'm so thankful for the incredible nurses and doctors, and my husband for his awesome support. I just look at little Sophie right now, and I'm amazed!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Friday, April 27, 2007

Croup

We had a really tough night with Sophie last night, it was really scary. I had noticed in the evening that her voice was a bit raspy, and she coughed once or twice, but that's it. Well at around 11pm last night, we heard this barking sound coming from her room, seriously one of the most scariest sounds I've heard. Sophie was gasping for breath and I felt so helpless just holding her. Called the 24 hr nurse line and they said it sounded like croup, so we did the hot air, cold air treatments a couple times during the night. Let's just say, how scary that it was, there was a moment when Jeremy and I were just laughing. After we had her in a steam room for 20 minutes, we were supposed to bundle her up and take her outside so she'd got cold air. So we bundle her up, put her touque on (that's Canadian for knit ski hat), and walked around our neighborhood. It was at 2am! I just started laughing b/c if anyone would have looked out their windows and saw us, they'd probably think we were these crazy people. And meanwhile, as we are walking, Sophie does her lion "raar", but b/c she's so raspy, it came out all funny. I was amazed at how good of spirits she was in despite all this.

So all 3 of us are going on NO sleep. Sophie is down for a nap right now, I am home (it's my teaching day) after going into work at 6am to get things ready for a sub. Jeremy is at work, barely functioning (I think he got less sleep than I did!) Our happy little family:) We did take Sophie to the dr. and they gave us this steroid medication we have to give to her...the side effects? Extreme, extreme hyperness, and very upset stomach, causing vomitting.....at least it's the weekend, right?

But in this whole situation, when I was watching Sophie gasp for breath, I just realized how fragile life it. Here I was complaining yesterday about Sophie's horrid naps. Well, you know, I'd take a lifetime of horrid naps, if it means having my Sophie healthy and safe here. She is so precious to me, and it's amazing how my heart is so attached to hers...I've always been SUCH an independent person, but now, I would give and do anything for her. Get better little Fee-fee.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

I won't nap for Mommy! (but I will for the baby-sitter)

The title says it all...as some of you know, my little squirt, Sophie, has suddenly become very unpredictable in her naps! This is a child who has been SUCH a good napper for months and months now. Well, starting about a week ago, as soon as I'd put her down for a nap, she'd suddenly start crawling around, thumping her legs, talking and laughing, shrieking loudly...this is right after she's been yawning, and calmly snuggling in my arms. This goes on for about, oh, I don't know, it's usually at least 35 minutes!! Well, if you know me at all, you will know that I have control issues....I like to have everything set and in order and you can say I'm somewhat of a perfectionist. Yah, all that basically flew out the window when I had Sophie.

So yesterday I decided that, you know, maybe Sophie wasn't tired enough when I put her down, so I'll keep her up a bit later. So I do that. And wonder of all wonders she goes down SO easily, so squawking or playing or anything. So I leave her room, thinking I should get "Mom of the Year Award" or something for figuring out my daughter...until I hear her talking and laughing at 45 minutes...what????? She did this for both naps yesterday and then was the biggest crab the rest of the night.

Fast forward till this morning, where I'm dropping her off at the baby-sitters. Now, I warn her that Sophie has been napping horribly for me, so beware. Well, I get there today to pick her up, and here's the report:

Sophie had a 2.5 hr nap this morning (went down right away), and had an hour nap this afternoon (which I had to wake her up from when I picked her up)....little stinker....

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Phobic

Okay, so I got this from my friend, Katt, and I have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised. I thought I'd be in the 80-90% range!
You Are 60% Phobic
You have a few more phobias than the average person. And you're sometimes developing new ones.Try to chill out and conquer some of your phobias. Facing your fears is the only way to get rid of them.

Go Canucks, go!

Okay, so I feel a little silly posting this, as I haven't posted in a week and a half, and then my first post is about hockey, but I just had to share:)

I've been a Vancouver Canucks fan (that's NHL hockey for all you out there) since forever! I have watched as they've been horrible, and then when they went to the Stanley Cup finals in 1994 (and lost). This year has been a pretty decent season, so when they went to game 7 in the 1st playoff series, I was beginning to lose hope.

But they won last night, yay!:)

Just had to share:)

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Sophie the Chatterbox

I think we're in for it with Sophie...she is SUCH a chatterbox! She DOESN'T ever stop talking or at this point "babbling". Pretty much whenever she is awake, she is "talking". I love it, it's so cute. She has REALLY started to communicate with us and is saying more words. She has said mama, dada, uh oh, more, all done for awhile now, but today when she was saying "more" (and doing the sign language for it) she kept saying what sounded like "peash". She keep saying it and I think she's saying Please?? It's so cute.

My favorite things that Sophie "says" is her animal impersonations. We'll say "Sophie, what does a lion say?" and she'll go "Raaaa" with a gravely voice. When we say "Sophie, what does a doggy say?" she goes "Woo woo". And her newest one is when we ask her "Sophie, what does a snake say", and she says "sss sss". It's so precious and she is so proud of herself.

I know I say this about EVERY stage, but I think this is my favorite stage:)

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Snotty and clingy

I think the title says it all!! My poor little baby is sick:( She has been more "sensitive" the past few days so I just attributed it to teething b/c she was a drooly mess. Well, lets say that last night, I got about 2.5 hours sleep! You don't know how glad I am that today is not my day to teach.

It is so hard to see Sophie so congested and struggling to breathe. Through it all, though, she has been such a trooper. She was up from 9:45-11:45 last night, slept for 1 hour, up at 12:45 screaming. I finally went in there and sat in the recliner and she slept on my for 2 hours...oh how reminiscent of the newborn days. Of course I didn't sleep at all so at 2:30 I came back in the room, and Sophie was up a bit before 6....

I guess this is motherhood:) And you know what? As hard as it is to see your little one so sick, and being so tired b/c of not being able to breathe well (her AND me), it is something special when she just lays her head on my shoulder or chest and holds onto me for dear life. For one moment she is not off exploring and getting into mischief, but just needing her Momma...I'll take that moment.

Monday, April 9, 2007

De-cluttering

Okay, so after nearly 1 year of looking at my mound of boxes of teaching stuff in the garage, I finally decided today to start going through it all. Now you have to understand something about me...I NEVER throw things away. I always think I will have a use for it someday, so meanwhile this means our junk pile grows higher and higher. I don't know what finally made me decide to go through it and get rid of a bunch of stuff...maybe it's b/c we've been talking finances so whatever I can sell and can get us a few dollars is great. Or maybe, in reality, I'm doing it b/c I'm realizing teaching isn't everything to me anymore, like it used to be. But really, I think it's because I'm tired of looking at the stacks of boxes in the garage.

You know, when I first went to college, I was soooo excited to be pursuing a teaching degree....that was what I wanted to do since I was 5 years old, when I would set up a play classroom with my stuffed animals, and my then 1 year old sister, and "teach them". I mean, I even taught my little sister how to read! I enjoyed college, LOVED doing my class experience and was soooo excited to get my first job, 5 years ago, teaching 1st grade. SUCH a learning experienc for me. I loved the challenge and seeing the "light bulb" go off. Now, 5 years later, and a Masters degree later, i think somewhere along the line, I've been growing very tired of what I am doing. I still love "teaching", but I've discovered that being a teacher is not really too much about "teaching" at all.

This year, I am teaching 3rd grade, I have ALWAYS wanted to teach 3rd and I really am enjoying it. I have a great job-share partner and I love working part-time. So what's the problem? I think I'm becoming jaded. Each year, the kids in my class have gotten tougher and tougher, and while I've jumped up to the challenge many times, I think the burden of it is wearing on me more and more. I learned "classroom management" in college, but did that prepare me for dealing with children who have severe behavior issues or mental health issues? Yes, mental health issues. I have 3 8-year olds in my class who meet with the mental health consultant and counselor regulary. I don't know if I'm cut out for this much longer.

So that is why I am finally able to throw stuff out...because you know, I don't know if I see myself doing it for the rest of my life, like I always imagined I would.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Weight loss (or lack there-of)

You know, I was soooo happy when I lost about 25 of my 40 pregnancy pounds right away after I had Sophie. I loved when people commented about how I looked and I thought, "Wow, this was EASY!" I lost a few more pounds and I was 5 pounds away from my pre-preggo weight when something happened...I stopped losing weight! I thought, Okay, no big deal. Well, wrong. I started eating like crap, no self-control, and low and behold I gained back 15 pounds. Yuck. So, I have made MANY strides in trying to lose that weight, including exercising (walking or something) and trying to eat healthy. I've lost a few pounds here and there and then ended up gaining it all back. I have always struggled with trying to keep my weight at-bay. Well, 1 month ago I just got so fed up with my back and forth, "lose a few, gain them back" that I decided to come up with a "plan". So I did.

I wrote out in DETAILED form what I would and would not eat, how much, etc. I needed to do that as I have absolutely no self-discipline when it comes to food. It's been working! The first week, I lost 3 pounds! 2nd week, I lost 2 pounds, 3rd week, I lost 1 pound (do you see a pattern here?) I weighed myself yesterday, exactly 1 week later and....I lost 0 pounds. Bummer!! I hadn't done anything differently, in fact was even being MORE careful with eating and portions and hadn't even had sweets all week. Now I know why I always "stop" whatever "diet" I do at 4 weeks, b/c that's when it seems to taper off with the weight loss.

I can blame it on the fact that I'm still breast-feeding so need to be careful about my calorie intake, or on the fact that I was on the pill which made my appetite increase 100 fold...or I can just blame it on nothing and keep going with this "plan" and hope that on my next weigh-in date, I will actually have lost weight. My goal was to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight by Sophie's 1st birthday....that is in exactly 5 weeks...can I lose 12 pounds in 5 weeks??? I hope so! But even if I don't, if I can get even a bit closer to that, I'll feel happy.

Funny thing is, even though there was no weight loss in poundage this week, I tried on a pair of my "skinnier pants" that I haven't worn since I was 5 months pregnant (I didn't wear maternity clothes until 6 1/2 months pregnant)...and, I can actually get them over my thighs! I can't do up the button, but you know what? It feels good to at least put them on. So I'm wearing them today...with a long shirt of course:)

I have entered the land of "blog"

Okay, so I know it's taken me awhile to "get with it" and enter the blog world, but you know, I guess that is me...it takes me awhile to do things. You know, when CD's came out, I refused to buy them, wanted to keep my cassettes. When DVD players came out, I refused to use them, liked the handy old VHS. When digital cameras came out, I said NO WAY...I want to be able to have "surprise" when I pick up my pic. And internet? Yah, we just got rid of dial-up. So anyways, here I am, actually telling the world (or my 1 or 2 readers) the random thoughts of my life...I know you are all excited! Hope I can figure this all out.