Friday, November 12, 2010


Day # 12: I am thankful for my precious miracle boy, Tanner. He has brought so much joy and laughter and energy to our home! Please pray for him tomorrow morning as he is having a not so fun sedated procedure to check his kidney. Since he only has one kidney, he needs it to be HEALTHY, so please pray that the kidney reflux he had at birth is GONE!

Tanner was SUCH a little trooper this morning at his VCUG (to check for his kidney reflux). A not fun procedure where he had a catheter put in, then they inflate his bladder a few times with this contrasting liquid, so they could see if any urine was refluxing back from the bladder to the kidney. At 1 month old when he had this procedure done before, it showed that he had Level 2 Kidney Reflux. Level 1 is the lowest, 4 is the highest. The dr, at that time, said that most people with level 2 kidney reflux have it go away on it's own, hopefully within a few years. In rare cases, people with Level 2 reflux need to have surgery to fix it. Sometimes medication is given to keep off kidney infections. Since Tanner only has 1 kidney, it is a higher concern to keep that 1 kidney healthy.

This morning, I was more worried about the fact that he couldn't eat/drink anything (had to fast since last night). He had moderate sedation, so he was awake but very "high", lol. Giggly, loopy, drunk are good words to describe him. Did great through the whole procedure, and just had a hard time in the car on the way tired and hungry, but wouldn't eat.

So we will know more when we meet with the urologist next Friday, but the dr today said there is STILL reflux. Probably about the same level. We were believing that the reflux was gone, so guess we just need to up our prayers for that.

It was hard for me to see him go through that. I think, most of the time, I sometimes "forget" about his kidney stuff. Going through my pregnancy with him was a scary time as dr's were trying to figure out what he had and given us very scary prognosis's. Then with him being so healthy and energetic and not having any issues because of his kidneys, I forget. Today was a huge reminder of the health implications, but also, an AMAZING reminder of Tanner's testimony and the fact that in utero, his ultrasounds showed things a lot worse than they are. I need to keep reminding myself of that whenever I start feeling that fear or discouragement about this. God's hand is on Tanner and I KNOW He will take care of my precious little boy.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


Day #3: I am thankful for the awesome bible study I went to this morning! The last 7 weeks of the Beth Moore bible study has been amazing and I am sad it's over!

I have been going to my church for 12 years now. You'd think I'd have taken advantage of all the bible studies that are offered at my church in that time, right? Never have. I've given excuses...I work, and I'm tired at night. Or, I work, so I can't go to the morning studies b/c of that fact. Well, this summer, in the midst of realizing that a) I have lived here for 12 years and do not have a lot of close friends here at all, and b) I need to get off my sorry butt and put more effort and time into others lives and even though I treasure my days off with my kids, I know that I do crave close girl friendships. This summer I started getting together with some amazing moms from my church and have so enjoyed building those relationships. So now, even though I'm working, I am finding more of a connection so that means that even if I'm tired, I WILL go do these things b/c not only does it build my spiritual self, it is building my emotional self too, as I am finally making those dear, dear friends who I connect with.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Precious Cuddles

Day 2: I am SO thankful that this tough work day is done and I get to go home and cuddle my precious kiddos!

Today was a tough one. No tougher than other ones I've had recently, and probably not the worst. But it was a very mentally draining day. I got really, really frustrated today with a specific situation and the complete lack of support I got for it. I really don't feel that constant negative and disrespectful behavior should be rewarded, but that is what I am told by people who are supposed to be my support. I almost started banging my head against the wall after a conversation I had with my "support".

So after dealing with those frustrations, my heart was filled with so much joy when I got to pick up my kids. When I got to Tanner's baby-sitters and he saw me, the squeal of joy and running to hug me wiped away some of those frustrations that had consumed my day. Then seeing Sophie run towards me and jump into my arms at preschool put that joy back into my heart. I love my kids so much. Their cuddles can fix so many things.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Day #1 of Thankfulness!

In a season of craziness and a lot of discouragement, I am going to take this month to focus my thoughts truly upward and consider the many, many blessings that are in my life, that too often get overshadowed by the "tough stuff". Everyday I am going to post an "I am thankful for" statement on here give a little note about it. So here it goes!

#1 I am thankful for....the wonderful roast dinner that my awesome hubby prepared for us today!

It was so awesome today to come from a crazy day at work to a house that smelled so wonderful! Jeremy had prepared this wonderful roast dinner and being that Mondays he gets home from work at 1, he often makes dinner those nights. I am so glad that Jeremy is the kind of guy who is good in the kitchen and very willing to try anything! Today, knowing that I didn't have to worry about, "What will I make tonight?", was such a blessing. I love my husband!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Such a sweet, sensitive soul

There are many things that Sophie says/does that just blow me away sometimes. Whether it's sounding out words and actually learning how to read on her own, or whether it's learning to tie her shoe on her own and so excited to show me. But what blesses my heart the most, is to see Sophie's innocent and trusting heart.

Sophie has always been sensitive to "spiritual things" and very understanding in a simplistic way of Jesus and his love for us. She asked Jesus into her heart last year and I KNOW that it was so real to her. She has an absolute faith and trust in Jesus and to see that really blesses me as a parent.

Today, we had on a kids worship DVD that she loves, where there are kids singing her favorite worship songs. She loves watching it and occasionally joining in. Today, I see her standing there singing to the song, "Here I am to Worship", and she is wiping her eyes and crying. She said, "Mommy, I am crying happy tears. I just love God so much". That was enough to send this Mommy to tears too. But then she gasps and looks at me with huge eyes and says, "Mommy, Jesus just touched my heart! He is making me all better! (She has had this lingering cough/congestion)". She was so excited and ran up to me and just wanted to hug me.

I am AMAZED at her "softness". I love seeing her innocent heart. I know she will see and experience many heart aches in her life, many of which will challenge her faith and her trust. But my prayer as her mom is that this softness that she has now in her spirit and this trust she has in Jesus will grow and grow.

She blesses me...

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Oh, I wish I had creative abilities...

So I have been seriously thinking doing something "different" than my current job. For those of you who know me, the last few years have been very trying with my job. I am fortunate to only work part-time, and yet at the same time, what happens in those few days leave me so mentally exhausted. I do have my Reading endorsement and am seriously considering leaving the "classroom" for a bit and possibly being a Reading Specialist. We shall see. However...

I have some SUPER creative/talented people around me. I have friends who are photographers, so they don't have the 9-5 jobs, but they have jobs where they can use those creative abilities. I have another good friend who has started an online baby/kids boutique and makes such cute accessories for kids and actually makes money doing it. Do I have those abilities? Ummmm, I think not.

So what can I do?? I am not a "salesperson", so doing things that requires "recruiting people" for a service/party is not my thing. I know people can make money with Mary Kay/Pampered Chef/Candle/Jewelry parties but once again, the non salesperson part of me "feels bad" for asking people to come to these things.

Sigh, any ideas? Different things that I can do "from home" that would help bring in a few dollars?

Monday, September 27, 2010

It's the little things

Lately I have really been struggling with the fact that I am working, albeit part-time, but working nonetheless while I have little kids. More than anything, I want to be able to stay at home full-time with Sophie and Tanner, and I have been so sad that I can't right now. Lots of mommy guilt. And if you know me at all, you know that I am very sentimental and every little event/moment that my kids go through mean so much to me. I have felt that I have missed out on so many things with working. I wasn't able to go to Sophie's first day of pre-kinder this year because that was my first day of school with my class. I wasn't able to go to Sophie's preschool graduation last year because I was working and I cried many tears over that. And the fact that Sophie only goes to preschool on the days that I work means that I don't get to go to any of the special things that go on.

So today, I only worked half a day because I had to take Tanner to a doctor appointment. However, I got off a little bit earlier and I was able to go to Sophie's preschool and eat lunch with her today. When I got there, she was busy reading with her friends and didn't notice me. When the teacher called the kids to go wash their hands and line up, she saw me and her face broke out into the biggest smile and she ran and gave me a hug. I watched her as she washed her hands and all the kids were around her saying, "who is that?". Sophie, (with a huge smile on her face) said, "That's my mom. She's eating lunch with me today". I heard "Cool", and "Neat" from the kids. The whole time she washed her hands, she had the biggest smile on her face.

No, it wasn't the biggest thing, it wasn't the first day of school. But you know what, to Sophie it meant the world. And it meant the world to me too, to be able to do that.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Hello??? Is there an echo???

Remember me? Yeah, I took a little bit of a "break" from the blogging world. No real reason why, other than the fact that I just had no idea what to write about. SO much has happened, and the longer I took a break, the more daunting the task was to come back and update. So I'm not. I'm just going to start over from right now! I need a place to come to "get out" some of my feelings. Whether people read it or not, I just need a place to share things.

I am back at work started this past week and I am trying to get back into the swing of things. After a GREAT summer, a MUCH needed break after a really rough spring at work, I felt pumped and ready to go. It was a tough first week...really, 32 kids in one class is hard enough, but add in some severe behaviors and I feel a bit overwhelmed. But I've never backed down from a challenge before, huh?

Sophie is so excited to be back at pre-school. Hard to believe she is in pre-kindergarten. She is so grown up and growing so fast every single day. Tanner is trying to keep up with her and doesn't quite understand that he can't do everything she does. Hmm, the life of a 2nd born, huh?

I love my babies and I know I will get back in the swing of things with work, but at the moment, I still get tears every morning saying good-bye

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Dearest Tanner

Dear Tanner,

You are 1!! I still can't believe that. This year probably was the fastest year I have ever experienced (maybe because you are SUCH a busy and active little guy??) It's hard to believe you are growing up so quickly, too fast for me! I am loving this age with are so fun and so joyful. But I wish it would slow down...

You sure loved your cake at your birthday (your 2nd birthday party...the first one, with all the relatives, you just picked at your cake and rubbed it all over your face and hair. The 2nd one, with just close family, you devoured that cake). You absolutely LOVE food. If someone has food, you want it! You get very mad if we give you something different than what you are having. Black beans are one of your favorite foods and I love how you have a black/purple face when you are done eating them.

One thing that changed this month is that you are no longer just are RUNNING!! You don't stop. You always are "on a mission" and it's hard to keep track of you. One of your favorite things ever, is being chased. You start shrieking and laughing and running away. It always makes us giggle so much to see you get so excited about it.

You still are obsessed with the TV/entertainment center but are doing SO much better at not going up to it all the time. You have learned what No and Uh-uh means and when you hear it, you sometimes just plop yourself down on the ground and get all frustrated (you show this by throwing your head forward).

You have turned into such a good sleeper, which I am thankful for, since the first 4 months with you were not full of sleep! You take 2 solid naps and go to bed around 7:30 (earlier on nights I work) and wake up around 7. You are still nursing, 4 times a day and I am still not ready to be done. It's the one time when you are still and calm and I love those moments.

Still aren't saying many words but the ones you do say are: sss-sss=soo-soo (binky), Dada, Mama, ch-ch=cheerios (or any food!), see-see=Sophie? (you've just started saying this and we think it might be Sophie). It has been cute the past few days because when you are eating and want more, instead of doing the sign for more like we've been practicing, you clap your hands. It works!

I love you my precious Tanner. It's been quite the year! You fill my heart with such amazing joy.

Love, Mommy

Saturday, May 29, 2010

My baby girl is 4

It's hard to believe that I am a mother to a 4 year old. The day Sophie was born still is so clear to me and I can't believe she is 4 already. It has been quite the exciting and full year for Sophie. Here is a run-down of some super important things that happened this year!

*Sophie became a big sister on June 2/2009, to baby brother Tanner!

*Sophie started pre-school

*Sophie got her first hair-cut!

*Sophie had her very first sleepover at Auntie Kelly's house (and didn't get much sleeping in, I'm afraid)

*Sophie went on her first camping trip (with Daddy!)

*Sophie asked Jesus into her heart :)

*Sophie is starting to learn how to read (she knows all her letter names/sounds and loves to write words she knows, and sound out words).

Sophie has really grown up so much this year. I look at pictures of her 1 year ago and 3, and she still had that "baby" look to her. Now I look at her and I see a big girl. She is still my silly little girl who makes us laugh all the time. Sophie is so expressive and dramatic and could spend all day, everyday playing dress-up (and sometimes she does!) The things she comes up with and says sometimes blows me away (and often makes me giggle too).

We are so blessed to have Sophie in our lives and I love my precious girl more than words can say.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

11 months (a little late!)

Dear Tanner,

Man, oh man. What a busy month this has been! Mommy is late in writing this because life has suddenly turned up a few notches on the CRAZY side. One of those CRAZY things is that you started walking this past month. You took your first steps at 10 months old and by 11 months, you were walking for longer stretches. You look so cute as you walk everywhere, sometimes you get going too fast for your own good and are flailing your arms as you walk and can't stop.

You are also into EVERYTHING. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. To you, anything you see is a challenge to get to. If you see Sophie playing with anything, you immediately want to go play with it too. You don't understand when Mommy says you can't play with Sophie's Polly Pockets or her Littlest Pet Shop and you will let us know exactly how upset you are about that. You definitely have quite the temper in you and we are at that place of really praying for wisdom in how to best raise you and help shape your will.

I love it when we go ANYWHERE and people are always commenting on how friendly and happy you are. You freely give smiles and waves and now that you are walking, will walk right up to someone and give them a huge cheesy grin. You make everyone smile, Tanner, and I love the joy that is in you.

You are still not saying too many words yet. You have started to say "sss-sss" for "soo soo" (pacifier). You also will rest your head on our laps and say "awwwwwww". I know you want to say Sophie's name so badly. You see her and smile and shriek and start making "sssssssssssssssssss" sounds.

Your mullet is getting longer and I am afraid a haircut is due soon. You will be a ringbearer in your Auntie Pamela's wedding next week so probably you will get it cut before then.

I love you so much Tanner. I know you want to be so independent and do EVERYTHING that Sophie does, and my dear boy, you will get to. Don't rush this growing up thing, time is already going by so fast! I love you!

Love, Mommy

Monday, April 12, 2010

10 month wonder

Dear Tanner,

I am finally catching a moment to come on here and update about your 10th month! When you are awake, I usually don't get a moment to sit down anymore. You are busy, busy, busy! Into everything, you are! Sophie likes to call you Curious George because you are curious about everything.

You definitely have been showing a strong-willed side this month. Not so much mellow baby these days. When you want something, you want it now, and we have been seeing your temper. Yikes! You are fascinated with the stairs. You think it is a game to crawl over to them so fast, turn around and look to see who is watching you, and then start shrieking and giggling as you race up the stairs as we try to run and get you. Little stinker :) You make us laugh with your antics!

You love remotes and definitely mommy's cell phone. The look of pure delight that crosses your face when you see that I have left my phone unattended is so sweet. You always make sure I know you have it though, but definitely are not a happy camper if I tell you not to put it in your mouth!

You still are taking 2 really good naps and sleeping between 11 1/2 and 12 hrs a night. I LOVE how long you sleep at night. You go to sleep easily and can get yourself back to sleep fine, as long as you have a "soo soo" handy. So we keep many of your pacifiers around your crib.

I really don't want to have to cut your hair, since you don't have a ton of it, but you are definitely developing a little mullet. You have the longer bushy look going on in the back, and then shorter up front. We will see how long I can handle that before I need to cut it, lol!

You freely give smiles, you are waving so much now to others too. I love it when we say "Praise Jesus!" and you lift your hands straight up in the air. You do NOT like to be laid on the changing table, or on your back anywhere if it means you have to be restrained. You just want to be on the go all the time. You love to eat, but if we are not fast enough, or if you are super hungry, you will tend to fuss during must of your meals. Not so fun! But then, we will give you your cheerios (which you call "ch ch") or a cracker and there are no more tears, just giggles and smiles.

You are not saying too many things. You say mama occasionally. You say dada but not necessarily for daddy all the time. You do say "ch ch" a lot, when you want your cheerios! You say "na na" when you are hungry. You have started to say "A dut" a lot. Not sure what you are really saying though :)

Tanner, as busy as you are, as on the go you are, and as strong willed you are, I still love it every night when you rest your head on my shoulder. Cuddling up with you, feeling your soft skin and smelling your baby smell is my favorite thing. I love you, Mr. T!

Love, Mommy


Monday, March 8, 2010

Let's not forget this one...

So, in my once a month blogging, which is the letters I have been writing to Tanner on his monthly birthday, I have realized something....that although I LOVE writing these letters to Tanner, that's all I have been writing. I have not been writing about another special someone who also fills my life with so much joy. That's right, my firstborn, Sophie. So this post is dedicated to my girl :)

Sophie just amazes me everyday. I look at her and see a big girl, no more toddler, no glimpse of the "little girl" who was just in our lives. I get so sentimental when I think of how fast time has flown by and here she is, almost 4 years old and growing by leaps and bounds.

She is such a creative and imaginative little thing. Playing "family", or "animals" for hours. Creating little things, hoarding little items in her purses, or playing school. I love watching her! She is so into dress-up, and from the moment she wakes up till the moment she goes to sleep, she is wanting to wear one of her princess dresses, (AKA, Mommy's old frilly dresses from when she was younger.)

Sophie also amazes me with her learning. She knows all her letters and sounds, and even has started to sound out words and figure them out. When she "gets" a word by sounding it out, she jumps up and down and shrieks excitedly, "I am reading! I am reading!" So precious.

Sophie made a very important decision last Sunday night. At the dinner table, we were talking about where Jesus lived, and Sophie said "in heaven." I said that one day she could ask him into her heart, just like Mommy and Daddy have done. This is something we talk about a lot. A little while later she came up to me and told me "Mommy, I want to pray and ask Jesus into my heart." That night, when Daddy got home, we were talking with her about what that really meant. We were astonished at her simple faith and her understanding of that. After she prayed a really sweet prayer, she had a "praying song" she wanted to sing. She made us close our eyes and then proceeded to sing to Jesus about how much she loves him, how he is her hope and her strength. Let me just tell you, my tears were flowing. Her heart is so soft and open to Jesus and makes me so happy to see her experiencing him in her own way.

She is almost done her first year at preschool, where she has made some neat little friends. She is SO black and white and tells us daily which kids had to have a time-out and what they were doing. I think she'll be one of those kids that will always want to please the teacher!

So this is our little Sophie, growing so big, right before our eyes.


Thursday, March 4, 2010

9 months old

Dear Tanner,

I am writing your 9 month letter while you are napping, since when you are awake, I have lovingly named you "Tanner the tornado". You are 100% boy...busy, busy, busy!! If there is something to knock over, you will knock it over. If there is something to bang, you will bang it. If there is something to dump, you will dump it. It is so funny to see the look of determination on your face when you get something in your sights. You are OBSESSED with the tv/DVD/stereo, and it's amazing that already at 9 months old, we can see your little "will" coming out. You look at us with your adorable smile and then proceed, for the 17th time, to go and bang on the TV. You definitely are keeping us on our toes!!

You started fully sleeping through the night this month, hallelujah! You usually go to bed at around 7:30, and sleep till 7-7:30. Every once in awhile you still may wake up in the night, but those nights are hit and miss now. You take 2 good naps a day, and settle easily with your "soo soo" and blankie after around 3+ hrs of being awake.

We are starting to see a little "temper" in you if we don't move fast enough for your liking. When you are hungry, we better have the food ready RIGHT THEN or you get very mad. You have been eating a TON lately. Mostly baby food, but you've also started eating cheerios, veggie puffs, and pieces of bread. You love trying to pick up the little pieces, although you still have a hard time actually getting those little pieces into your mouth.

You have started to balance standing on your own for a few seconds at a scares mommy as she is NOT ready for a walker. You keep trying to find your balance when standing against something, and slowly taking your hands off. You just want to grow up so fast! You are not interested in your baby toys at all anymore, but can spend soooo long with Sophie's toy kitchen, pulling out the drawers, playing with the food, and banging the pots and pans. Time to pack up the baby toys :(

You are still a mama's boy and definitely need your mama. When I walk into a room and you see me, I love seeing your little face light up. You are my precious boy and everyday I thank God for the miracle of you in my life.

Love, Mommy


Thursday, February 11, 2010

8 months (a little late)

Dear Tanner,

I am a bit late in posting this, but that is pretty fitting for this month!! This has been one busy month with you, Tanner! You are just on the go all the time. 3 days after you started crawling, you started pulling up on things to stand! Slow down buddy!! Now you love to stand EVERYWHERE. You started standing up in your crib for naps and haven't figured out how to get back down, so naps have been a bit crazy the past few days. But you have been blessing us with some good nights of 10-12hrs nights, so thank you!!

You said "Mama" purposefully the other day and now say it quite regularly when you want me. You are still a mama's boy but love your daddy immensely and always give him a big smile whenever you see him! Sophie is still your favorite person ever and always just smile and laugh whenever she is around.

You have started to become a better eater, except you do prefer fruits to veggies. You are not a fan of homemade baby food so all those jars that we made are sitting in the freezer :) You like eating teething biscuits and Baby Mum Mum rice cakes. You always have a smile when you eat them, like you are so proud of yourself for being a "big boy".

You are a typical already have gotten your share of bumps and bruises, and even your first black eye! But it amazes me that you can fall down and land hard but just get up without flinching! You also have gotten another tooth finally, your top Eye tooth! You love chomping on everything, and we have to make sure that Sophie puts all her toys away because you zero in on the littlest thing.

I love you my cuddle bug. The smiles you give me all the time just melt my heart.

Love Mommy


Sunday, January 3, 2010

Another month goes by...

Dear Tanner,

The months are just flying by and I find myself loving you more and more each and everyday. You are my cuddly little thing who just loves to be held and snuggle with anyone! I love the way you are starting to reach out when you want to be picked up, or the way that a big smile breaks out on your face when your eyes meet mine in a large room. My precious boy...

This has been a busy month for you! You finally mastered rolling both ways (YAY!) so this has made night times a lot better as you roll to whatever position you like :) We also leave a bunch of soothers (AKA binkies) all around your crib and you find them fine on your own. You've had a nasty cold that has turned into your first ear infection, and you've had it for around 2 weeks, so our nights have been pretty interrupted with that. You are also sooooooo close to crawling. You get around on all 4's, but not the typical "crawling" way yet. But you do get around. It is so fun to see you get so proud of yourself when you do something and everyone cheers. A huge smile just lights up your face, and you try to do it again

You celebrated your first Christmas! You love banging on the boxes and trying to put the wrapping paper in your mouth. You were such a trooper to all the different events. You even went on your first trip to Canada! You loved staying at Grandpa's house and meeting all the relatives up there that have never met you before.

You loved eating solids until you got sick, now you don't want anything to do with them. Since you got sick, you have now been waking up a few times in the night again to eat. Mommy hasn't minded this too much over Christmas break, but with her going back to work tomorrow, she is worried how she'll function with such all this interrupted sleep again.

You have started "talking" more. You say dada, but not for "Daddy". You love to make sounds as you chew on your tongue, looks so funny! You still are in LOVE with your big sister. The moment she is in the room, your eyes are focused on her. You laugh so much at the funny things she does.

You are my precious, precious little boy and I love you so much.

Love, Mommy