5 months old already!

Dear Tanner,

I am just in awe of how fast time is flying by and how fast you are growing up! You are changing so quickly, every day, right before my eyes. I am LOVING this stage with you. You are so aware of everything around you, always reaching out for stuff, grabbing hold of anything you can, and usually everything ends up in your mouth. You have been working on teeth for a bit now, especially this last week. I'm hoping the little guys will pop through soon to give you some relief! I can tell you are so uncomfortable with them!

Tanner, you are my sweet, laughing boy. Always a smile on your face, always a giggle. I am amazed at the simple joy that you have already, at such a young age. The littlest things just make you laugh and laugh, and when you laugh, it makes all of us laugh too. You love hanging out on the changing table, you love it when mommy lifts you high and "flies" you through the air. You are so much fun.

You are eating about every 4 hours during the day. You are taking 3 naps a day, usually 2 long ones and a short one. You are addicted to your paci or "soo soo" and I think it is contributing to a lot more night wakings lately for a "replug". We've had to let you fuss a bit in the night, but you are learning to go back to sleep without it. You still wake to eat once during the night, and I don't mind that too much. I love my cuddle time with you!

You are such a sensitive little guy. You are quite the "startler" and the littlest noises make you jump. Sophie gets a kick out of doing the little things to make you "jump". But then you just give her one of your big smiles :) She can ALWAYS make you stop fussing. She just starts singing and you stop crying and just get so calm. She is mommy's secret weapon for those fussy moments!

You are LOVING the johnny jump up and spend so much time jumping around in there. You are just on the go all the time (for as much as you CAN be on the go for 5 months old). You always want to be standing in our laps, no sitting for you, which is just like Sophie was at this age too, and she is still on the go 24/7. I am so glad you still love your cuddles though. I love how every day before a nap, you just rest your head on my shoulder and nuzzle into me. You always follow me with your eyes, no matter where I go in the room. You end up in some weird positions as you arch around trying to see me.

I love you my precious boy!

Love, Mommy

Dizzy Days...

I had a pretty bad scare the other night. I woke up at 2am and felt a throbbing on my right side of my head. I tried to lay down/walk around and it was still there. I started to feel really "weird". I remember waking Jeremy up and saying "Jeremy, my head feels funny" and right after that things got soooo much worse. My head starting spinning!!! It felt like I had just played "Izzy dizzy" and the spinning wouldn't stop. Jeremy helped me make it to the bathroom where I started throwing up, this lasted a few hours.

During this whole episode, the hardest thing to do was not to let the fear come in. Whenever there are things to do with health issues to someone close to me, or myself, I often panic and think of worse case scenario. I know a lot of this stems from me losing my mom at such a young age, and realizing that life can change in an instant. I hate how right away my mind goes to "tumor/aneurysm/stroke" and "what's going to happen to my kids because of this?".

At 4am, as this is still continuing full force, after Jeremy calls the advice nurse and they say "Bring her into ER!" Jeremy ends up calling the ambulance to come and get me. This was all going on around me and I just felt like it was so surreal. Got to the hospital and they decide to run a gamut of blood tests on me and do a CAT scan...never have had one of those in my life, so freaky.

Needless to say, all the results came back FINE. Dr said it could be an inner ear virus or something and to check in with a doctor in 3-5 days. I am soooo glad it is nothing serious, at the same time, going through that all really makes me realize the importance of life and how fragile it is and how at every moment, I just need to remember that God holds my life in his hands.

I'm so thankful that my dad was in town visiting, and my sister was such a godsend and came over and took care of the kids while I was in bed, literally, all day yesterday. I'm still a bit dizzy now, but enough to function, thank the LORD!

4 months!

Dear Tanner,

Hard to believe that 4 months ago today, you were this new bundle in my arms! Watching you then was such a miracle, especially with all the turmoil of my pregnancy and all the unknown we faced then. I still think of you as my little miracle, and sometimes it hits me hard just what we almost faced with you. I wonder if I will always be a bit more protective of you because of all this.

You are growing sooooo big! Nearly 100% for height and 75% for weight...Long and lean like your daddy maybe? You are growing out of your clothes at an alarming rate, and pretty much wear all 6 month size sleepers. 3 mth pants are SO short on you!

It was a crazy month in the beginning, with you being Mr. Catnapper all day long. A little exhausting at times!! But you've started to take some nice longer naps this past week and are falling into a pretty consistent pattern which makes Mommy a little more relaxed :) You are still waking up in the night to feed, around 4-4:30 and then going back to sleep till 7-7:30. At times I just want you to be sleeping through the night, especially with me having to go back to work in a month, but when I'm holding you and feeding you in the middle of the night, how peaceful and still you are, I am not ready for that to be gone. Especially since when you are awake you are Mr. Active and Mr. go go go, non stop!

You are still my Mr. Smiley Guy! You laugh SOOOO easily and so much! You love being tickled and will shriek in anticipation as our hands get closer to tickling you. You fill my heart with so much joy, little man! I love how you just love to cuddle and be held. You don't seem to be "uncomfortable" anymore so hopefully we can be off the Reflux medication soon.

I love you my little guy!

Love Mommy

3 months old

Dear Tanner (or Mr. Smiley).

My precious boy, I love watching your grow before my eyes! Every day you are changing and growing so much. You no longer are this little newborn baby who I could just hold in my arms. You are becoming such a big boy who is taking in everything around you! I love how you just zero in on Sophie and just love watching her all the time. You always have special smiles just for her, even when she is right in your face, like she is so much.

This month has been an interesting one. I am still trying to figure out your patterns and routines, but you like to keep me guessing. One night we will be blessed with a 6-8 hr chunk of sleep, and the next night you decide to wake up 4 times, either to talk for awhile, to fuss, or to eat. Mommy is pretty tired having to readjust to more wake ups again in the night after enjoying long chunks for awhile!

We've had quite a time with "health" stuff this month. Trying to figure out what is making you so uncomfortable. We have switched your acid reflux meds again and are hoping to see more change. We know when you are feeling good because you just love cuddling then. We don't know if the discomfort you are going through is any way related to suddenly screaming in the car/car seat. Trying to figure out if something is hurting you! Because as soon as you are out, you are just the happiest, smiliest little guy again.

You fill my heart with so much joy, little Tanner. Even in the middle of the night when you wake up and are so hungry, you will still give me a big old smile and just melt my heart. I love hearing you talk more and listen as you "find your voice", even though it would be nicer to hear it during the day, and not at 1am, or 2am, or 3am :) You are a giggly little guy and just make us laugh so much. Please don't grow up too fast, little man!

I love you,

Love, Mommy



You just LOVE staring at your daddy


Best buds

2 mths

Dear Tanner,

Time is just flying by! I can't believe you are 2 months old today. In so many ways it feels like just yesterday we were driving to the hospital, getting ready to meet you, and now, here you are. It is hard to imagine our lives without you in it! You are so much a part of our family and we love you so much.

This has been such a big month for you. We've gone through some really tough days when you just were fighting sleep and wouldn't sleep anywhere...mommy was pretty tired those days. But it feels like we have been coming out of that recently. You have been falling asleep on your own in your crib without much of a fuss. When you are awake, you are the happiest little guy. You are smiling all the time. I love how you always are staring at me and when I make eye contact with you, you get all smiley and start cooing and just being so adorable. Even if you are so overtired, or if you are nursing, once we make eye contact, there is your big grin :)

You also started rolling over from tummy to back this month which has kind of floored mommy, as your big sister didn't roll over until 5.5 months! I thought it was just a fluke, but you have done it consistently now, during these past 2 weeks. Oh boy. You are always so alert, watching everything, your head arching back to see everything. But I love how in the past week you seem more "settled" and are back to snuggling on mommy's shoulder again. I have missed that.

You are a special little guy to me, and fill my heart more than I thought possible. I love you Tanner Michael!

Love, Mommy

My big girl

My precious little girl Sophie, went to preschool for the first time today! Our church has a summer preschool program so Jeremy and I decided to send her 1 day a week for the rest of the summer. Good for her to get out and interact with other kids, as well as get used to being there, as she'll be going there in the fall a couple days a week.

I couldn't help but feel a little "weepy" today over Sophie. She woke up super early "so excited Mom!" for going to preschool. Sophie just wants to be a "big girl" soooo badly.

Seeing Sophie at preschool (yes, I stayed for a bit...not too long, but I needed to, for my sanity, watch my precious little girl there). She found her name on the little carpet square, promptly sat down criss-cross applesauce and her hands in her lap (she has been talking about going to school FOREVER, this is a dream for her, she plays it all the time).

I know I need to "let go" and let her grow to be the independent little girl she is, who has such a love for life, learning and others. It's hard though, for me, to watch this precious little jewel, who fills my heart with so much love and joy, grow up and not "need me" as much anymore. This little one who made me a mom. This little one who cried and screamed for most of her first 3 months, but blossomed into a joyful little soul. In school. Without me.

Even as I write this, I have a little tear coursing down my cheek. I am so proud of the little sweetie Sophie has become, and love seeing her grow and learn and become who she is. I just pray, that even with this new season for her, that she will still come to me for the cuddles and hugs that I am not ready to give up yet.

Sophie today, ready to go to preschool





Learning


Eating lunch like a big girl


And just because I'm feeling SO sentimental...here is little Sophie...this feels like JUST yesterday...

Just trucking along...

Where is time going?? Too fast! There are days that feel like they are DRAGGING by (the days where both kids are fighting sleep) but really, I am just amazed at how fast everything is going by.

Tanner is getting soooo big. DEFINITELY losing that newborn look which makes me feel a bit sad. BUT, oh my gosh, he is my "smiley guy". He is smiling ALL THE TIME (unless he is in his crib :) He will smile as you are rocking him to sleep...he does this as he is making eye contact with me, love it. He's started smiling at me during nursing, which makes for messy nursing sessions, but I LOVE it.

We are having BIG issues in the sleep department...he sleeps GREAT at night, no problem there, however, daytime sleep, ugh, another story!! And yes, once again, I have a child who does not like to sleep in: their swing, bouncy chair, or carseat. If we go on long trips in the car, he is out like a light, but none of this sleep in the city stuff. Even in my arms, he does not usually sleep. So we put him in his crib and stay with him forever till he falls asleep, sometimes pushing the binky back in 100 times, other times putting our hand on his back, or shhh-ing him. Sigh, even fussing at times. It's hard b/c he will NOT sleep when we go out places, so, because of that, I often feel "stuck" at home, b/c I know I will be dealing with a severely overtired baby who doesn't want to sleep.

Right now, we are swaddling him for naps, which he doesn't like that much, however, without a swaddle for naps he doesn't settle well. I will gladly take ANY tips you have to offer :) :) Or, tips for getting him to LIKE his dang swing and bouncy chair enough to sleep in them occasionally, lol.

Sophie is growing up soooo quickly. I look at her and can't believe how grown-up she is. She is so articulate with her words and I am amazed at her understanding of things. She has such a sweet and sensitive spirit. It is getting hard to read books/watch movies with her b/c she asks 5 million questions throughout each, but as a teacher, I know I should encourage this. She wants to know everything. For those of you teachers out there, I almost want to do a Letter Identification test with her :) She can identify probably close to 95% of all upper case and lower case letters. She can spell out whole words, she is starting to write her name totally on her own (we have a funny looking S, an O, P, and an i right now).

I feel bad b/c over the past 7 weeks of adjusting to having a newborn, Sophie has been sorely neglected, which I know HAPPENS, but it's very hard for me, as I really miss her, and we DID have 3 years of just the 2 of us. Starting on Monday, we will be sending to her at least 1 morning a week of summer preschool at the preschool at our church, where she'll be going in the fall. I KNOW it will be good for her to get out, and interact and learn, but it makes Mommy so sad, b/c once again, it's a reminder of just how fast she is growing up.

I love my kids, I love my family, I am just one tired mama these days, but...just trucking along...