It's taken me awhile to write. I have come on many times, but then just sit here with no words coming. I'm finally making myself write something!!
My last post talked about how excited I was for the school year to start...wow, so much has changed in that month. I started off so excited and am now just feeling so discouraged. Feeling like I"m not making a difference and that I spend 100% of my day dealing with outrageous and irritating behavior problems. I just want to teach, but don't really feel like I am able to b/c of the stuff going on. I feel bad for the majority of my class who are such great kids, b/c they are not getting what they need b/c so many others are taking that away from them. I'm just feeling like I need a change...I don't know what that means exactly, but I can't go on feeling like I do about it.
Now for the joy of my life, little Sophie....wow, what can I say about her? She makes me laugh soooooooooooooooooo much. Seriously, she is the "light" at the end of my day. I pick her up from the baby sitters and she comes running up to me saying "Mummy!" She is such a talker. She loves talking about "shoes" and singing "happy to you" (happy birthday to you). She loves to pray and does it all the time:) What a sweetheart. I was always scared to have kids, scared that it would change my life in a way that I didn't want it to...man, how wrong could I have been? Sophie has filled my life with sooooooooooo much joy. Wow.
Jeremy is writing more music, it's so awesome to see him doing that again. There were a few really "dry" years with that but it's amazing to see the songs come out again. He is so gifted in his music.
And me, I am doing well...take away the stresses of the day and I know I am so blessed. I have to keep reminding myself of that sometimes when life seems tough. God doesn't give you more than you can handle, that's my mantra these days!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Mixed Feelings...
I'm going back to work tomorrow. After a WONDERFUL and restful summer off, getting to spend every day with Sophie, I am feeling a lot of mixed emotions about going back to work. I have loved being here every day with Sophie, not having to worry about "oh no she had a bad night, she's going to be a bear for the baby-sitter", or "we'll be out late tonight, and up so early for when I get her up for work, we maybe shouldn't go out tonight". It has been such a great summer.
On the other hand, after a really rough teaching year last year...I think so many things contributed to that; me teaching in a new grade so new curriculum, doing a job share for the first time, being out on maternity leave for the first month so always feeling a bit like a "sub" after I came back, but ultimately, the kids were just tougher. But my teaching partner and I have talked a lot this summer and we are really excited for this new year approaching. We are trying a bunch of new things, really focusing more on "community building" for the first weeks, and making the classroom feel more "homey", with plants, and lamps around. I feel more confident in the curriculum, and I love working with a teaching partner....
I know I am sooooo blessed to be able to do a job share...so that I can be home with Sophie for 4 or 5 days a week, and yet still get to teach, something that I do love (most days). But I think just the thought that "the summer is over" and having to drop Sophie off at the baby sitters in her jammies at 7am tomorrow is making me a bit teary eyed...
On the other hand, after a really rough teaching year last year...I think so many things contributed to that; me teaching in a new grade so new curriculum, doing a job share for the first time, being out on maternity leave for the first month so always feeling a bit like a "sub" after I came back, but ultimately, the kids were just tougher. But my teaching partner and I have talked a lot this summer and we are really excited for this new year approaching. We are trying a bunch of new things, really focusing more on "community building" for the first weeks, and making the classroom feel more "homey", with plants, and lamps around. I feel more confident in the curriculum, and I love working with a teaching partner....
I know I am sooooo blessed to be able to do a job share...so that I can be home with Sophie for 4 or 5 days a week, and yet still get to teach, something that I do love (most days). But I think just the thought that "the summer is over" and having to drop Sophie off at the baby sitters in her jammies at 7am tomorrow is making me a bit teary eyed...
Monday, August 20, 2007
No more car trips for awhile, please
The title says it all. I got back today from our 4th road trip of the summer....Sophie has done AMAZINGLY well and has turned into quite the good traveler (far cry from the early days when the second she would enter the car, she would scream and scream). But momma's tired of the trips.
A road trip used to mean, "How fast can we make it to our destination?" and sometimes Jeremy and I would drive all the way to Montana only stopping once. We'd each have one bag and a pillow, and that's pretty much it!
This last trip, our trunk contained:
1 small bag for me
Pack and play
Bag of diapers and wipes
Big bag of toys
Cooler for Sophie's food
Bag for Sophie's utensils/cups/bottles
Fan (white noise for Sophie)
Sophie's blankets
Sophie's stroller
Winnie the pooh
Sophie's dolls
Trips do not consist of "how fast can we make it?" anymore, but now the rule is "how long can Sophie last without having to stop to get a diaper changed". After 4 road trips this summer, I'm a bit tired of packing and unpacking the car:):) Kind of petty I know, but I'm ready to be home for awhile now:) (and to add to that....sitting in a car for that long is getting a lot less comfortable for me...must be getting old!)
A road trip used to mean, "How fast can we make it to our destination?" and sometimes Jeremy and I would drive all the way to Montana only stopping once. We'd each have one bag and a pillow, and that's pretty much it!
This last trip, our trunk contained:
1 small bag for me
Pack and play
Bag of diapers and wipes
Big bag of toys
Cooler for Sophie's food
Bag for Sophie's utensils/cups/bottles
Fan (white noise for Sophie)
Sophie's blankets
Sophie's stroller
Winnie the pooh
Sophie's dolls
Trips do not consist of "how fast can we make it?" anymore, but now the rule is "how long can Sophie last without having to stop to get a diaper changed". After 4 road trips this summer, I'm a bit tired of packing and unpacking the car:):) Kind of petty I know, but I'm ready to be home for awhile now:) (and to add to that....sitting in a car for that long is getting a lot less comfortable for me...must be getting old!)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Since when do I have a shy and quiet child??
Sophie has always been this little ball of energy. She still is, at home, at least. She yells, sings, runs, talks, laughs ALL day when we are home. It used to be that when we'd go somewhere new, it would take Sophie 10 minutes max to warm up. She usually would just stand there sucking on her finger, until she'd feel comfortable, and then she'd be her pretty normal self.
Well, the last few days I've really been noticing a difference in her personality when we go places. Yesterday at the park, she just stood there for the longest time, not wanting to go anywhere, just taking it all in I guess. Well, she never "totally warmed up" to being there. She'd walk around slowly, not talking at all. We were there for 1 hour and it wasn't until I buckled her into her carseat that she started talking.
Today at the zoo, same thing. We were there for 4.5 hours with some friends. She didn't talk, didn't smile. When she saw the fish (her favorite animal, I'm learning) she pointed and whispered "fishy fishy". When I took her out of her stroller, she clung to me and whined, wanted to go back in. I am so not used to this! I'm used to a carefree girl who will go anywhere, with anyone. I wonder if this is just a stage or what. It's funny when we get together with people and I've told them how boisterous she is, and she sits there starting at them forever, not talking or making any expressions.
But when it's just the 2 of us, oh yah, she's nonstop:)
Well, the last few days I've really been noticing a difference in her personality when we go places. Yesterday at the park, she just stood there for the longest time, not wanting to go anywhere, just taking it all in I guess. Well, she never "totally warmed up" to being there. She'd walk around slowly, not talking at all. We were there for 1 hour and it wasn't until I buckled her into her carseat that she started talking.
Today at the zoo, same thing. We were there for 4.5 hours with some friends. She didn't talk, didn't smile. When she saw the fish (her favorite animal, I'm learning) she pointed and whispered "fishy fishy". When I took her out of her stroller, she clung to me and whined, wanted to go back in. I am so not used to this! I'm used to a carefree girl who will go anywhere, with anyone. I wonder if this is just a stage or what. It's funny when we get together with people and I've told them how boisterous she is, and she sits there starting at them forever, not talking or making any expressions.
But when it's just the 2 of us, oh yah, she's nonstop:)
Monday, August 13, 2007
Meeting face-to-face
Today I got to meet up with a lady I've come to know these past few years on the message boards I belong to. It's not the first time I've met up with someone who I've met online, but still, always before a meeting, there is a little bit of nervousness...will I feel awkward with this person? You know a lot about them, but meeting face to face is pretty vulnerable. Sometimes I feel I can "hide" behind the computer. But when you actually meet someone "in real life", you are who you are.
It was really cool though, meeting Lisa and little Taryn. There wasn't awkwardness at all! It was like, "hey, I know you already!". I've seen so many pictures of Taryn, and heard about her so it was great to see her in person and see the cute personality. I felt Lisa and I hit it off too, and it was so nice to hang out with someone who has a child the exact same age, and going through the same things I am with Sophie.
This weekend, when I'm up in Canada, I will also be meeting up with 2 other ladies from one of the boards I've belonged to for 2 years. I am so excited:) These people who have been friends to me for awhile, now getting to know another side of them.
It was really cool though, meeting Lisa and little Taryn. There wasn't awkwardness at all! It was like, "hey, I know you already!". I've seen so many pictures of Taryn, and heard about her so it was great to see her in person and see the cute personality. I felt Lisa and I hit it off too, and it was so nice to hang out with someone who has a child the exact same age, and going through the same things I am with Sophie.
This weekend, when I'm up in Canada, I will also be meeting up with 2 other ladies from one of the boards I've belonged to for 2 years. I am so excited:) These people who have been friends to me for awhile, now getting to know another side of them.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Too hot for me
We are here in Montana right now and I am DYING of heat. It is 104 today and we don't have air conditioning in the place we are staying. Night times have been brutal. Sophie is so restless b/c it is so hot (and she was practically sleeping naked last night), and you just constantly feel sticky. Ick.
And there are TONS of fires around right now so when you go outside even if for a few minutes, you are coughing and your throat is burning because of the smoke. Yuck! Man, Katt, I don't know how Justin does it!!
It was in the 70's when we left home on Wednesday, and I was complaining b/c it was "too cold for the summer". I will gladly take that again!
And there are TONS of fires around right now so when you go outside even if for a few minutes, you are coughing and your throat is burning because of the smoke. Yuck! Man, Katt, I don't know how Justin does it!!
It was in the 70's when we left home on Wednesday, and I was complaining b/c it was "too cold for the summer". I will gladly take that again!
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Insomnia sucks
I am soooooooooooooooooooooooo tired. I can't function right now. We drove here to Montana yesterday (which can be a whole blog post in itself----having to stop every hour, Sophie pooping constantly (I think she did it so she could get out of her carseat), so after all that, I thought, I am going to sleep so well. Um, nope.
Went to bed at 11:30...(mountain time, 10:30 our time),...I laid there for awhile. At 12:30, I really started getting annoyed. It was hot, I was uncomfortable. Decided to go walk around for awhile. Yawning, so tired, came back. Yah, still not falling asleep. And by now, I am getting so frustrated that it's hard to settle. 2am, I FINALLY take a tylenol PM, not caring that I'll be a zombie in the morning (side note---we are staying with our in-laws). I start to relax, BUT can't fall asleep. I WAS AWAKE ALL NIGHT!!!! Then I actually did doze at around 6am (I know this b/c I had a short dream), but then Sophie woke up (sleeping in the pack and play in the same room as us). She stands up, sees us, starts laughing and saying "hi".
It is now 4:30pm and I feel like I'm in a haze. Not going to bother to take a nap b/c I have issues with napping too...Oh Lord, PLEASE let me sleep tonight (it's going to be 2 tylenol pm's and earplugs!)
Went to bed at 11:30...(mountain time, 10:30 our time),...I laid there for awhile. At 12:30, I really started getting annoyed. It was hot, I was uncomfortable. Decided to go walk around for awhile. Yawning, so tired, came back. Yah, still not falling asleep. And by now, I am getting so frustrated that it's hard to settle. 2am, I FINALLY take a tylenol PM, not caring that I'll be a zombie in the morning (side note---we are staying with our in-laws). I start to relax, BUT can't fall asleep. I WAS AWAKE ALL NIGHT!!!! Then I actually did doze at around 6am (I know this b/c I had a short dream), but then Sophie woke up (sleeping in the pack and play in the same room as us). She stands up, sees us, starts laughing and saying "hi".
It is now 4:30pm and I feel like I'm in a haze. Not going to bother to take a nap b/c I have issues with napping too...Oh Lord, PLEASE let me sleep tonight (it's going to be 2 tylenol pm's and earplugs!)
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