It's out of our control

As a pretty control freak/everything in it's place/routine/scheduled/OCD type person, one can say that I function well when things are in order. I can do okay with change, surprisingly, as long as it is anticipated, planned, and well thought-out.

It is funny how different things happen to "throw off" the balance of "control" in one's life. It seems there are so many areas right now where I have NO CONTROL, and honestly, that is a scary place for me. Maybe my own insecurities, but "letting go and leaving it in God's hands" is something that I have to battle DAILY.

Right now, I really feel like this in a lot of areas. With my job: hearing all these reports of budget cuts and how dismal and horrible the future looks, but not yet knowing EXACTLY what that will entail for me and my family is really tough. With my pregnancy: This "waiting game" of "what's going on with the baby's kidney" is soooooo tough. There are days when I feel SO strong, and my faith in God is so high. Then there are days, like today, when I just feel so "out of control" about it all...there is nothing I can do, BUT pray and trust, and wait on the Lord. So hard for me...I just want to know!

Then, there is Chris and Stephanie. This amazing couple who I have only met once or twice but who are good friends with a good friend of mine. They are going through something right now that I couldn't possibly even phathom...the loss of their infant daughter. But even amidst this horrible time, when things are "out of their control", they are finding their rest and peace in GOD alone. Such an example that I know I need to follow.

Check out their journey here

Cadbury, how I love thee...

Well, it has hit...my yearly obsession with ANYTHING Cadbury chocolate, but most especially, Cadbury mini eggs. Oh man, they are hitting the spot lately! People must think I'm weird, or obsessed, about the amount of time that I spend talking about Cadbury Mini eggs. So I'll change my tune :)

This weekend I was up in Canada visiting Daddy dearest. I took a break from the Cadbury mini eggs and instead enjoyed wonderful delicacies such as Cadbury Caramilk chocolate bar (a yummy concoction, chocolate with soft caramel centers, in a bar form) and Cadbury Aero bars (bubbly chocolate :) )

Sigh...this happened to me when I was pregnant with Sophie too...eating and craving so much chocolate this time of pregnancy that I didn't know what to do with myself. Well, that is besides EAT it...This easter candy thing is pretty tough. With Sophie, I had my biggest weight gain during the month leading up to easter, b/c of all the cadbury mini eggs I consumed. I don't think this next pregnancy is shaping up to be any different, LOL

This one TAKES the cake....oh my WORD!!

I HAVE to post this one.....from Babycenter:

Swallowed Chewing Gum!!! Scared!!! (this was the subject of her post...below is what she said IN her post)

I'm 22 weeks 6 days and I accidentally swallowed my chewing gum today!! I'm scared it's gonna harm my baby. Anyone had this problem??


I'm sorry, I just can't stop laughing.....seriously???

Off to the motherland...

Sophie and I are off early tomorrow for a trip home to Canada. I have not been there since June after my grandma died. I'm used to going up there at least 3 times a year, but didn't make it for Christmas this year as we were in Montana.

So just Sophie and I headed up. It's only about a 5.5 hr drive...and I figure that Sophie did awesome on a 12 hour trip to Montana, so I'm hoping for good things on our trip tomorrow. I'm just so excited to be "taking off" and going somewhere again. I used to do weekend trips up to Canada all the time in college. I miss that independence of mine sometimes, that "free spirit" to just take off when I feel like it.

I am looking forward to getting together with my cuz Tracy and her 2 little darlings, Ruby and Roxy. Ruby and Sophie are 8 mths apart (Tracy and I are 6 mths apart) and I just wish we lived closer so they could have the kind of relationship Tracy and I did (grew up blocks away from each other).

Also, going to hit up the local White Spot (incredible Canadian restaurant)...will try to get there at least twice in my 3 evenings there.

Au Revoir!

Are you FREAKING Serious????

So, after my blog the other day, where I talked about how I wish I could stay home and not have to work anymore and how I'm feeling STUCK in my job, well, there's more GOOD NEWS.

The WONDERFUL governor of Oregon has declared today that he would like all teachers to, ahem, get ready for this, WORK FOR FREE THIS SPRING in order to save the state money b/c of massive budget cuts. Cutting days would hurt the kids (YES, I agree), but working for free?? I am livid.

Echoing what my friend Janelle said in her blog, I feel like this is a huge slap in the face. The HOURS I pour into my job, the HOURS of unpaid time I give to my job, and now, "please work for free?"

If I could add up how much money out of my own pocket I spend on my classroom over the past 7 years, or the times when students don't bring lunch money and I buy snacks/lunch for them out of my own pocket, it would be a huge amount. I go to school and take classes, and spend LOTS of my own personal money to further my professional growth so I can be a better teacher b/c that's what I WANT to be, and then this? Why am I doing this?

Yes, I love teaching and I'm "in it for the kids"...but after taking SO MUCH crap over the years, being totally underappreciated (but still doing the best that I can and WANTING to be a better teacher all the time), this just makes me feel undervalued all the more.

I WON'T DO IT. I'm sorry...It's a HORRIBLE precedent to set to say "yes this is okay". I've done this before with my own job, when I come in on my own time and not get paid, and now it becomes "expected" of you. I'm NOT DOING THIS!

Husbands...

How well do you know your husband?

1. What's he doing right now? At music practice at church

2. You’re out to eat. What kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Ranch

3. What is one food he doesn’t like? Cinnamon :)

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? Pop :) (doesn't drink)

5. Where did he go to high school? Valley Christian School

6. What size shoe does he wear? 10.5

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? guitar picks, LOL

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY (his "staple")

9. What would the Husband eat every day if he could? PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES

10. What is his favorite cereal? Grape nuts

11. What would he never wear? pink

12. What is his favorite sports team? Montana Grizzlies

13. Who is his best friend? me

14. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do? spend so much time on the computer!!

15. Who did he vote for in the last election? McCain

16. How many states has he lived in? 3

17. What is his heritage? German and Welsh

18. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind? Oreo ice cream cake

19. Did he play sports in high school? Tennis

20. What could he spend hours doing? playing music

I'm having a moment...

It's been one of those days, or weeks where I am so incredibly sad that I have to work :( I have had so much fun with Sophie lately, going out and doing things like storytime, gymnastics, or just hanging out at home. It has been so enjoyable and Sophie is at this super fun stage right now of just being so much fun. The thought of going to work tomorrow (even for a 2 day week) is making me dissolve in tears.

I've even gotten as far as to mentally start making a list in my head of what we could do so that I didn't have to work...and haven't gotten very far, because at this point, not working is not really an option. We could sell our house, but in this day and market, we'd be losing so much money that it's not worth it.

Do you ever just feel "stuck"?? That no matter what you do, you are in this trapped place? I am so thankful for a job during this scary economic time. But when my wish and desire is to be at home and at this point there doesn't seem to be a logical way to do that, it just makes me so sad...And when my job just makes me so incredibly stressed that I come home a mental case, is that healthy?